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They can be objectively attractive and have all the traits you are looking for, but it counts for nothing as you want nothing more than to run. You are ready for a partner who is your best friend. You are ready for a partner who is your best friend.

Do you ever consider that you might be boring someone? Plus, dude, you took up TWO WHOLE COMMENT BOXES to say what you had to say. Personally, after years of knowing someone, I've one day realized that I really like them and find them attractive. So we went on another date last week and I had the best time with him.



Warren, I recently went out with an eHarmony match. He was a nice guy and we had a pleasant time. He is tall enough for me. He has a good job, and objectively he is even handsome. We talked and laughed and he seems like a good, kind soul. I could go on and on listing his great traits, but I never felt a sense of chemistry. We had a simple kiss at the end of the night and I thought maybe that would jump-start the fireworks. It was a pleasant kiss that left me very confused. This man obviously likes me, and has called for a second date. Many eHarmony members have expressed the same question about chemistry, and I have some strong ideas for you to consider. After 35 years of counseling couples, it has become clear to me that a strong physical bond helps two people want to fight through the problems between them. It gives the relationship passion and drive in a way nothing else can. Often chemistry is instantaneous. A particular person may not act on it immediately, but he or she feels the attraction within. I have talked with many couples — many successful eHarmony couples — who had to nurture their chemistry a bit. As you know, a first date can be a high-pressure situation. People may be nervous or act in an awkward manner. This can significantly alter the energy that flows between them. Sometimes one of you has travelled a significant distance in order to meet. This can also add to the sense of pressure and awkwardness. Promise yourself never to go forward with a relationship unless you share strong chemistry. The passion is going to have to carry you forward for years and years. This means that you need to feel it AND your partner needs to feel it before you start to build an ongoing relationship. Be prepared to give it some time — a short amount of time. As I mentioned, for various reasons you may not feel passionately the first time you see each other. As you point out in your letter, Mandy, chemistry is different from attractiveness. This is one of the reasons that photos are often misleading when it comes to chemistry. The fact that you share great conversation and he has a good job, looks nice and is funny will likely not overcome the negative effects of low passion on your relationship through the years.

In any case, no one gets exactly what they want—in love, in career, or in anything else for that matter. We had a simple kiss at the end of the night and I thought maybe that would jump-start the fireworks. Body language that conveys masculinity, responsible ease and confidence is attractive to me. Valentine's Day we had dinner watched two movies and made out for hours again, no sex. Exercise is also known to boost your self-esteem, allowing both people to be more comfortable around one another. Then why do I sense it is I that has social. We had all of the same interests, could talk all day without running out of things to say to each other, had fun and laughed everytime we were together. At one point, he interrupted me while I was speaking to say something and didn't notice.